-The Canine Expanse-

-Talk About Dogs-

Did you know that there was once a dog god in ancient mythology? The brightest star in the night sky resides within a constellation shaped as a dog (constellation named Canis Major) hunting alongside its human companion (constellation named Orion)... of course, ancient civilizations had to make the brightest star into a god. And naturally, the god would have to be a dog.

Have you ever wondered why dogs never laugh? One of two possibilities exist: 

1) Dogs are unable to laugh because they simply don't know how. 
2) Dogs are just very boring and do not find anything to be funny. 

We really don't know which possibility is true, and we'll never be able to ask because dogs do not speak English! It makes you wonder what we really do know about each other... dogs could be thinking the very same things of us: "Why does that human never bark? Is he unable to bark because he simply does not know how? Or does he not bark because he is just very boring? I would ask, but he doesn't speak Dogguese!"

I was watching a movie the other day titled Honey, I Shrunk the Kids... the miniature kids ran into none other than - A GIANT ANT. The ant was making these chirping "ant" noises, and that got me wondering: we don't really know what ants sound like, do we? They are too small to make loud enough noise! All we can do is guess what the "ant" noises are... a funny thought ran through my head: ants could be barking at us. Like dogs! We just didn't know it because they weren't barking loud enough - we could never make out their tiny little barks! It would be funny if we could shrink to the size of ants, only to learn they do bark like dogs! -I do not endorse that ants actually do bark like dogs... it would be funny though.

How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two: one to bark at you, and the other to sneak behind you and steal all the treats! ...this is what is known as an anti-joke. An anti-joke is essentially a joke written when you are too lazy to come up with a real joke... in a sense, the lazy man's joke.

Knock, knock. 

Who's there? 

Ruff, Ruff! 

Ruff who? 

I ruff you too! 

...this demonstrates how difficult it is to come up with knock-knock jokes that actually make sense... hey, dogs can't talk!

One time I gave an artificial intelligence chatbot this exact command: 

invent a new basketball player only he is a dog... 

The very first sentence of the response: 

Meet "Barkley" the basketball playing dog!

Revisiting dogs and laughter: perhaps dogs laugh through a different expression than people do. People will laugh at jokes when the punch line catches them by surprise, or when someone acts in a very silly or unexpected manner. In the very same way, dogs will cock their heads at you when you say something that catches them by surprise, or when you act in a very silly or unexpected manner. Maybe dogs are cocking their heads at you because you crack them up!

06/29/2023:

Introducing Barker! ...the imaginary sidekick of Kerri Kat's ghost!

I have since reimagined Barker to his correct proportions. Observe, the mascot parody and anthem - a performance featuring Kerri as lead and Barker backing her (or "barking" her, if you prefer):

xxxxxxxxxx  Visual Productions  xxxxxxxxxx

Barker's debut parody video, featuring Squirt, Wolfie, Cubster, and some neighborhood dog (I apologize in advance for Barks' negative attitude throughout the video... he was having a bad day on the day of the shoot). Please stick around for the wolf pup noises and the surprise ending!

xxxxxxxxxx  Visual Productions  xxxxxxxxxx

A low budget Japanese commercial advertising dogs, produced by Kerri and directed by Barker. The translation to English was a bit of a struggle for Barker to accomplish; he isn't sure where he put the original translation, so we are stuck with these lyrics forever. He did the best he could:

xxxxxxxxxx  Visual Productions  xxxxxxxxxx

Please visit the mascots' YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/@kkatbarker
...I will be posting many more funny parodies to the channel soon!

More talk about dogs...

At the end of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, the dad almost eats the miniature kids after they fall into his cereal. They were too small for the dad to see, but the family dog was on it: he had to bark at the dad repeatedly to stop him. Leave it to the dog to save the day! Imagine if the dad had eaten the kids... they would need another sequel: Honey, I Ate the Kids. The dad thought he was in hot water before, when he shrunk the kids... just wait how much trouble he's in after he eats the kids on top of that! He'd really be in the doghouse!

Proposed video game: Dog May Bark

I will keep working on more talk about dogs...

-Critters and Dog Breeds-

Maybe we've heard of some of these real terms for groups of creatures and critters:
What do you call a group of elephants? A herd or parade of elephants!
What do you call a group of rhinoceroses? A herd or crash of rhinoceroses!
What do you call a group of llamas? A herd or flock of llamas!
What do you call a group of kangaroos? A mob or troop of kangaroos!
What do you call a group of travelling camels? A caravan of camels!
What do you call a group of hippopotamuses? A bloat of hippos!
What do you call a group of ostriches? A flock of ostriches!

But there are other real terms for groups of creatures and critters that may sound just flat out bizarre:
What do you call a group of wild cats? A "destruction" of wild cats!
What do you call a group of worms? A "bunch" of worms!
What do you call a group of vultures feeding on a corpse? A "wake" of vultures!
What do you call a group of tigers? An "ambush" of tigers! (Are tigers not usually seen togethor?)
What do you call a group of wildebeest? A "confusion" of wildebeest!
What do you call a group of ferrets? A "business" of ferrets!
What do you call a group of monkeys? A "barrel" of monkeys!

That's got me thinking. Two can play at this game. Why don't we invent some strange new terms for groups of creatures and critters that may not have been addressed yet:
What can we call a group of "Yoda" creatures? A "summoning" of Yoda creatures!
What can we call a group of Wookiees? A "mess" of Wookiees (because they are such slobs)!
What can we call a group of ogres? A "dealing" of ogres!
What can we call a group of elves? An "enigma" of elves!
What can we call a group of flying reindeer? A "dash" of flying reindeer!

Why don't we invent some strange new terms for groups of a specific dog breed:
What can we call a group of pugs? A "puddle" of pugs!
What can we call a group of pit bull terriers? A "playpen" of pit bull terriers!
What can we call a group of golden retrievers? A "flash" of golden retrievers!
What can we call a group of huskies? A "howling" of huskies! Ah ooooh!
What can we call a group of mongrels or mutts? A "mixing" of mongrels or mutts!
What can we call a group of cockapoos? A "camp" of cockapoos!
What can we call a group of Doberman Pinschers? A "dojo" of Dobermann Pinschers!
New! What can we call a group of travelling poodles? A "carpool" of poodles!
What can we call a group of Airedale Terriers? A "havoc" of Airedale Terriers!
What can we call a group of Jack Russell Terriers? A "ruckus" of Jack Russell Terriers!

Why don't we invent some strange new terms for critters and creatures in general:
What can we call a group of critters? A "gathering" of critters.
What can we call a group of creatures? A "gang" of creatures.

Barker's dreaming about the gang. The gathering... how he'd just like to chase them. And bark at them. And bite them. All of them.

-Fun Traditions-

-The Ghosts of Thanksgivings Past-

A fun tradition is to give thanks to your Thanksgiving turkey by giving the turkey a name. Butters was a Butterball turkey who led the resistance during the Great 2022 Turkey Uprising. Butters put up a valiant fight, but ultimately fell:

Gobbler "Gobbles" put up an even more valiant fight back in 2023 during "Gobbler's Last Stand":

Gobbler happened to be a Jennie-O turkey whose farm was tracked:

All throughout 2024, "Turkey Little" would run around crying, "Thanksgiving is coming! Thanksgiving is coming!" but nobody would believe him:

-Resources-

Brightest star desktop icon:

Neon mouse cursor collection:

Gold mouse cursor collection:

Observe Kerri Kat WINKING at us!

Click on Kerri Kat winking to capture it as a desktop icon.

-Art-

The style depicted below is for famous landmarks to be sketched completely off memory (attempted long after any actual observance), contributing a sense of novelty to the art:

-Mathematical Outlines-

Meaningful Generalization of the Exponent^©
...why 2 to the power of π returns output when you enter it into a calculator (course in introductory calculus required)

-Feedback-

Please email Barks@StellarField.net with any interests, thoughts, questions, comments, barks, or concerns.