--The Canine Expanse--

-Talk About Dogs-

Did you know that there was once a dog god in ancient mythology? The brightest star in the night sky resides within a constellation shaped as a dog (constellation named Canis Major) hunting alongside its human companion (constellation named Orion)... of course, ancient civilizations had to make the brightest star into a god. And naturally, the god would have to be a dog.

Have you ever wondered why dogs never laugh? One of two possibilities exist:  1) Dogs are unable to laugh because they simply don't know how.  2) Dogs are just very boring and do not find anything to be funny.  We really don't know which possibility is true, and we'll never be able to ask because dogs do not speak English! It makes you wonder what we really do know about each other... dogs could be thinking the very same things of us: "Why does that human never bark? Is he unable to bark because he simply does not know how? Or does he go without barking because he is just very boring? I would ask, but..."

I was watching a movie the other day titled Honey, I Shrunk the Kids... the miniature kids ran into none other than - A GIANT ANT. The ant was making these chirping "ant" noises, and that got me wondering: we don't really know what ants sound like, do we? They are too small to make loud enough noise! All we can do is guess what the "ant" noises are... a funny thought ran through my head: ants could be barking at us. Like dogs! We just didn't know it because they weren't barking loud enough - we could never make out their little barks! It would be funny if we could shrink to the size of ants, only to learn they do bark like dogs! -I do not endorse that ants actually do bark like dogs... it would be funny though.

How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two: one to bark at you, and the other to sneak behind you and steal all the treats!  ...this is what is known as an anti-joke. An anti-joke is essentially a joke written when you are too lazy to come up with a real joke... in a sense, the lazy man's joke.

Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Ruff, Ruff!  Ruff who?  I ruff you too!  ...this demonstrates how difficult it is to come up with knock-knock jokes that make sense... hey, dogs can't talk!

One time I gave an artificial intelligence chatbot this exact command:  invent a new basketball player only he is a dog...  The very first sentence of the response:  Meet "Barkley" the basketball playing dog!

Revisiting dogs and laughter: perhaps dogs laugh through a different expression than people do. People will laugh at jokes when the punch line catches them by surprise, or when someone acts in a very silly or unexpected manner. In the very same way, dogs will cock their heads at you when you say something that catches them by surprise, or when you act in a very silly or unexpected manner. Maybe dogs are cocking their heads at you because you crack them up!

06/29/2023:

Introducing Barker! ...the imaginary sidekick of Kerri Kat's ghost!

I have since reimagined Barker to his correct proportions. Observe, the mascot parody and anthem - a performance featuring Kerri as lead and Barker backing her (or "barking" her, if you prefer):

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Barker's debut parody video, featuring Squirt, Wolfie, Cubster, and some neighborhood dog (I apologize in advance for Barks' negative attitude throughout the video... he was having a bad day on the day of the shoot. Please stick around for the wolf pup noises and the surprise ending!):

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A low budget Japanese commercial advertising dogs, produced by Kerri and directed by Barker. The translation to English was a bit of a rush job by Barker, and he isn't sure where he put the original translation. He did the best he could:

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Please visit the mascots' YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@kkatbarker ...I will be posting many more funny parodies to the channel soon!

More talk about dogs...

At the end of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, the dad almost eats the miniature kids after they fall into his cereal. They were too small for the dad to see, but the family dog was on it: he had to bark at the dad repeatedly to stop him. Leave it to the dog to save the day! Imagine if the dad had eaten the kids... they would need another sequel: Honey, I Ate the Kids. The dad thought he was in hot water before when he shrunk the kids... just wait how much trouble he's in after he eats the kids on top of that! He'd really be in the doghouse!

Proposed video game: Dog May Bark

I will keep working on more talk about dogs...

-Fun Traditions-

-The Ghosts of Thanksgivings Past-

A fun tradition is to give thanks to your Thanksgiving turkey by giving the turkey a name. Butters was a Butterball turkey who led the resistance during the Great 2022 Turkey Uprising. Butters put up a valiant fight, but ultimately fell:

Gobbler "Gobbles" put up an even more valiant fight back in 2023 during "Gobbler's Last Stand":

Gobbler happened to be a Jennie-O turkey whose farm was tracked:

All throughout 2024, "Turkey Little" would run around crying, "Thanksgiving is coming! Thanksgiving is coming!" but nobody would believe him:

-Resources-

Brightest star desktop icon:

Neon mouse cursor collection:

Gold mouse cursor collection:

Observe Kerri Kat WINKING at us!

Click on Kerri Kat winking to capture it as a desktop icon.

-Art-

The style depicted below is for famous landmarks to be sketched completely off memory (attempted long after any actual observance), contributing a sense of novelty to the art:

-Mathematical Outlines-

Meaningful Generalization of the Exponent ...why 2 to the power of π returns output when you enter it into a calculator (course in introductory calculus required)

Please email Barks@StellarField.net with any interests, thoughts, questions, comments, barks, or concerns.